The 'Program' Starts Today

Can't go wrong starting a blog with a pic like this!

To start here are a few pics of the completed driveway - literally hours before the snow/sleet arrived. The guys showed up on Tuesday after the workday around 8:30 or so and worked into the dark - around 7:00 or so. I even turned the headlights of the truck so they could finish up. A good indication of the right decision of this neighborhood, the nextdoor neighbor even turned on the lights in his car for the crew - totally cool neighbors. The finished product came out looking great and REALLY made shoveling this winter bearable. (I also got a new snow thrower for the front of the mower - so that helped a little too.)
The back turn around/Working the front walk

Getting ready for the next truck/Back steps

North side of the house/The crew

Uhhhhh yeah./Back to work with day light

Removing the street entrance/The girls watch and have fun

Pic taken BY Ellie/Just hamming it up a bit

My Elliebird in a great mood

Hamming it up - where she gets these things...


About the same time as the work was being done on the driveway, my master bathroom was getting tiled. This was one job I knew was WELL beyond my skillset. I had two guys from Universal Flooring (Kelly and his cohort) come in and lay the marble floor and shower with an intricate glass/marble inlay as well. It came out looking beautiful and every bit as fantastic as I had always hoped. Although it wasn't photographed for a magazine as originally promised, it looks every bit as inspirational as you'd find one to be. I feel proud that I was able to create such a fantastic space without 'professional' help and made the crown jewel of the master suite just that. It gave me a lot of confidence that I questioned often before. If you'l remember in previous entries, that was an area that I whole heartedly trusted Leslie with and to be thrust into that additional role for this house really freaked me out. Although there were some things that really turned out well for the magazines, I have to say that I can definitely now play the game of interior designer for my style and my space just as well as anyone. In that regard, I look forward to having the Grand Opening in the Spring to bring back all those that have helped on this house - I hope you can make it. If I don't have your contact info, please email me so that I can get you an invite!
The soap dish insets/With marble around them

Glass tile detail/Back wall glass tile inset

Kelly checking level/Nice shirt

Kelly 'butters' the tile backs/Layout of tile before installation

total concentration/I swear it's James Hetfield from Metallica!!

The finished shower/Roger shows me how to install the drain correctly

Of course I have to redo the work/Steve rests after moving the tub

I work to get teh plumbing in place


Speaking of being published, I was SO blessed to have multiple rooms published in differeing magazines in the psat few months, with one more on the way. I say blessing and I honestly mean BLESSED to have the great teams at Meredith continue to create great rooms for this house. The project editors, the tradesmen, the photographers and the layout designers - all put their best into each room and I am forever indebted to them for it.
Kitchen & Bath Makeovers - Summer 08

Bath Makeovers - Spring 09

Storage - Early Spring 09


Let's fast forward to more recent times. I've just come back from visiting my brother in Minneapolis and helping him with HIS home (putting in tile floors, painting, etc.) and I had some windshield time to ponder some things. I'm not sure that any one thing was revolutionary, rather i think there were a bunch of smaller thoughts. In no peticular order here are a few:
1. I REALLY miss Leslie and I can't get away from it
2. I'm happy for Sean and Sarah and their new home. It's fun to see a young couple with all the hope and bright future awaiting them
3. Sean has a great sense of humor, it's worth the effort of pulling it out of him
4. I have the best family in the worl - hands down. When anyone is in need we all swoop in to help. THAT'S what family is all about.
5. Although ending the relationship with Shana was difficult I still think it was the right thing to do (and that's still not easy to say out loud)
6. I'm spending more time with God and I'm more at peace when I do
7. Although I was gone 4 days to MN, it took 4 minutes to miss Ellie
8. Life seems so full of opportunity, I'm tired of waiting for that opportunity to turn into reality
9. I love being a designer, but I am flexible enough to run a business and hopefully will some day (maybe sooner rather than later... who knows)
10. I think the 2 years that have passed since the accident have served well as a 'perspective finder' in that going into the next mourning phase I am better prepared because I think the shock has worn off and I can better accept some of the pain and loss that I am starting to go through when I open another box in the 3 season porch and then bring the contents into my new house
11. Although this house doesn't feel 'empty' by any stretch, there is a void
12. All of the people that have helped on this house have realy given me someting that I'll never be able to repay, say thank you enough for or can ever be taken away
13. Although I don't currently have a job, I think it's not only going to turn out okay, but I think that I'm going to come out ahead in many ways - most of which I can't even describe as I write this entry
14. I often times think of other people's lives I've run into over the past 2 years and the only one I wish I had done something different was not stopping myself to pray for a good friend of mine in the middle of the grocery store parking lot whose child was in the hospital fighting for his little life - damn I wish I had done that. I pray for hime often now

It's been a very interesting couple of dayssince the last post and a lot has happened, one thing is that I have recently looked in the mirror and honestly, have been ashamed. Yes the past two years has been rough, but there is no excuse for my disregard for my own health and well-being. In response to that, I am now 'back on the wagon' (hopefully for life) of diet and exercise being a critical part of my everyday. I have a very special day coming in July that I want/need to be ready for. So my goal is aggressive, but would I have it any other way? If anyone out there wants to join me in the effort (create your own timeline or goal) and help each other remain accountable, let me know!

Into The Dark

The work is always easier with big machines.

You know I just finally said to heck with it, just write damnit. I have so much floating in my head and I'm so behind on the 'progress' of the house that I always felt trapped - couldn't do one without doing the other. So now it's going to be a bit haphazard but I'll try to keep things as clear as possible. I did crank on a few pics of early November and I hope to go through some current thoughts afterward.

First is the 'work day' on about the 1st of November (it could have been the 3rd or 4th). I was pleasantly surprised that my father-in-law Russ came up from Pella to help and he brought his brother, Stan, and I put both of them to work! The project for the day/weekend was ripping out the driveway before Fall left and Winter set in. As it turned out, the timing couldn't have been better as it was - literally- the last 3 days of Fall before the sub-zero temps and rain/snow set in until this weekend's weather of the 50's. Anyway, Russ started cutting back the earth near Ellie's Park that would allow for a retaining wall to be installed the next day (Saturday). I jumped in a skid loader and was tearing into the driveway when I handed it over to Stan and then I jumped in the OTHER skid loader to move dirt. When we all weren't working like mad men I was taking pics for a story for a trade magazine.

See, the rental of one skid loader was donated by the local Bobcat dealer - the same dealership that had donated a year ago for the work day that the Central College students came to help and a few friends Vermeer helped clear the back yard and clear some trees. This time though, it was all about how an everyday-Joe-homeowner could use multiple attachments of a Bobcat to get lots done. Great story, angle, PR stunt. It was a win-win for everyone! The other loader was donated by Shana's dad who has one for his business. I owe him HUGE as he's let me have that multiple times.

That day went really fast and we tore it all out and I went through 5 MORE dumpsters - crazy, I thought I was done with those things. The next day I was ready for 3-4 workers to put in walls and tear out the driveway, except the driveway was already out and I had 6-7 volunteers. Nuts how the Lord provides MORE than you need... so I had two ladies inside cleaning the house (because they WANTED to - really!) and 5 guys outside throwing around pea gravel and landscaping blocks while also leveling the ground for the cement forms to be ready. I also fell victim to 'while you're doing that, you SHOULD really do this..' advice and I also pulled the entire walk way and sidewalks. Needless to say the project once again grew larger than originally planned. To cap this entry, the guys came on Tuesday and laid the forms, poured the cement and finished the whole job in ONE DAY. Nuts. Over 5,000 square feet in 10 hours, it still blows me away. Good thing because as I said, the weather hasn't been good since that day and I would've had a half complete driveway this whole winter - very bad. For now I'll just show the destruction since this one is already too long;-)
The before images:Front/Back view

Before:Nice plywood sidewalk/The start of a hole

The Bobcat working/Tears up the driveway in no time

Stan cleaning things up/Russ starts the bed irrigation

Russ Starts cutting the edge/Then rests a bit


SATURDAY
Greg & Russ trench/Dan does a dance with the drainage tube

Ron is all business/Greg isn't.

Sean's where he LOVES to be/And does some fine tuning

Ron starts the first row/I use another attachment to dig

Colin, Kevin and Ron push through/I get a lift

The boys are going a good click/Uncle Al and Mark do hand work

A little pumpkin suicide/Mark isn't so sure

Ron & Russ dance with plastic/Pumpkin smashing over back to business

I get help from Jake putting in the line before concrete/Sam plays

A 'finished' wall!/An installed sprinkler system!


On to current times for a bit: The most recent and bigegst news is that I ended a year and a half relationship with someone that has been an amazing blessing for me. I honestly can't put into words just how important Shana has been to me over these past 18 months in every aspect of love, friendship, child rearing, faith building, patience, understandning and all areas of support and communication. Why then end the relationship? Because in the walk with Shana I had always thought that the shared pathway would make the eventual entrance into the 'dark room' of Leslie's loss easier, or that I might be able to go in with someone, or at least have someone just outside the door while I searched for the light switch. As it turns out, I got to a place where that 'dark room' was all that I had in front of me. It was at every turn - all that I could think of and all that consumed my day from the moment of rising to the last ray of light as I went to bed. It came to be something that I knew as hard as I had tried to work through with someone a lot of the things about mourning and love lost, I had still to address Leslie face-to-face with no one around. Complicating that experience/process with a significant other only makes that harder, more complicated and in the end, not as true. So I did a very hard thing, I told Shana that as hard as I tried, my heart was still with Leslie and that in order for me to be able to give it to anyone, I needed to walk into this room alone - without anyone outside the door waiting for me. Sure I still have friends and family that await a call, invite to lunch or the occasional email, but for the most part that room is dark, cold and still lurking. Finding the new source of light inside will not be easy, and I wish I didn't have to do it alone, but I know that with the Lord by my side I will find it. This is by far the hardest thing I've had to face in my life. The loss of my father when I was 26, just after graduation from college, or my other names sake, Grandpa John, died 5 years ago (and then Grandma OB a year ago), or the loss of one of my best friends in high school were all life-changing, they formed who I am and how I see my faith as a driving force and how I understand death to be a very reall part of life. None of those, I think, have or will have changed who I am and the course that I will take from here on out. There are of course the obvious things like Ellie, or the fact that Leslie was that person that I loved at my core. There was also the most important part - she brought me back to the Lord and showed me how to have a relationship with Him. This process that I'm in won't be an easy or quick process I'm sure, but I think I'm ready. It probably won't be something that I complete and then never return to it. No, I'm sure it will be ever-present for some time. What's it going to be like, how long will it take? I have no dea. It took me two years before I think I could remove myself from the actual accident and having enough 'things' pass that I am now in a place that I think I can have some objectivity that I can gleen lessons learned as well as hopefully have some of my heart start to heal in some permanent ways. All of these things I hope are true as I have no idea if they are, but I can only begin to find out by taking that first step into the darkness.